Breaking Sad

Saying goodbye to your favorite show is hard.

Saying goodbye to Breaking Bad, torture.

The cries will be heard around the nation as the fates of Walt, Jesse, and Skylar are revealed. "WHO IS THE RICIN FOR?!!?!?!?" has been the question on my mind for weeks. Tonight, my question is answered, although I don't think I'm ready to know.

Breaking Bad had some of the best performances on television to date. I don't think anyone would disagree with that. Complex characters that you hate one week, love another week, hate to love a third, and love to hate the next. Only incredible writing and incredible acting can attribute to that. And even though the show is ending, Bryan Cranston and Aaron Paul can win Emmys for Breaking Bad for years to come and I would be 100% okay with that. "But it's 2036!" Still okay.

I wanted to share the auditions that landed these actors the parts. I was messing around on Youtube and found them and thought they were so cool!! Check them out below, BITCH.


Aaron Paul:
Aaron Paul Audition - Jesse Pinkman

Anna Gunn:
Anna Gunn Audition - Skylar White

Dean Norris:
Dean Norris Audition - Hank Schrader

This has been floating around Facebook recently and I absolutely love it. Advice to aspiring actors, from the man himself at the Oscars. 

Bryan Cranston's Advice to Actors

If you're one of the minority who is indifferent towards Breaking Bad, I only have one thing to say to you. Tread lightly.

Ma and Pa in Hollywood

Last Christmas, (I want very badly to sing "I gave you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away...") Ahem, LAST CHRISTMAS, I surprised my parents with a trip to California. I glued their flight info to the back of a Los Angeles postcard and wrapped it up in a small box and fast forward 9 months later, they came to visit me, and see California, for the very first time.

My parents are incredibly hardworking and only travel when a relative has passed so I thought, why not let them travel for a happy occasion? My birthday! They were here all last week and I'm going to talk about some of our adventures.

First of all, those two are a hilarious pair. I watch them interact for five minutes and it completely makes sense why I've chosen to pursue television comedy. Those two are as sitcom-y as it gets.

For example:

Dad: "One day I'm going to throw everything away and just enjoy life. I'm going to throw out my phone, my watch,--"
Mom: "Your wife."

Or this gem:

Dad: 'Paty, my jeans aren't fitting. I think I'm getting fat again."
Mom: "...again?"

Set these two up in front of an audience and laugh track and they'll produce comedy gold!


So, I pick them up from the airport and my mother and I scream and jump and hug each other, doing a little dance in the passenger pick up driveway. My father asks me if I've tried the pretzels on Southwest Airlines, because, "they're very good." I say yes I've had them. Then, he gives me a bag. I tell him I don't want it. He makes me take it anyway because, "they're very good!" Hello, dad.

I take them to a cute cafe and they stop and stare at a tree. They are enamored by this tree! They take pictures of it, they take pictures in front of it, they are loving everything about this tree. Then dad tells me I should like the tree more because, "nothing compares to nature." Guys, this tree was in front of a Citibank. My parents were like this the whole trip! Stopping to look at trees and flowers and admiring the mountains in the distance, constantly raving about the weather and its effect on their moods.

I found their sense of wonder about everything Los Angeles so child-like and amusing, but honestly it was a much needed good experience for me too. Sometimes you get so caught up in your daily routine that you forget to see the beauty around you. And while sitting in traffic, it's easy to scream out, "LA YOU ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT" but man, LA is a stunner of a city. And for the first time in a very long time, I was able to see the city through first-time eyes and really appreciate my surroundings.

So after brunch and tree-gazing, they came to my apartment and we watched Planet Earth. Yes, the documentary. This wasn't part of my very detailed hourly itinerary but they looked so comfy and content that I let it go.

Here they are lounging and watching some Penguins. 

For dinner we went to Persian food and my dad, who is the pickiest and most judgmental of restaurant eaters, said it was the best kabobs he's had outside of Iran. SARA FOR THE WIN!!!

My dad waits until I says "three!" and sucks in his belly. Mom just cheeses hard.

The next day we were off to Santa Barbara! It could not have been a more perfect day. We went to the historic courthouse to see views of the city, and my dad tried to take maybe 15 photos of us. Some were too dark, some too bright, and the rest my mother had her eyes closed in. She does that ALL.THE.TIME. It's like she hears, "1, 2, 3!" and on 3 instead of smiling she closes her eyes.

Take one: Mom's eyes are closed.

Take two: Mom's eyes are closed again. Dad looks increasingly over it.

Take three: Success! 

My mom wants to go to the historic Santa Barbara Mission so she can get her Jesus on, and while her and I are taking pictures, my dad is loudly saying how he doesn't believe in organized religion, in front of all the other tourists. So my mom and I walk farther ahead and take more photos, then dad is nowhere to be found. I find him outside EATING LEAVES. I am not joking. He claimed they were the same grape leaves from his village and tried to get all of us to eat some. I take that as a hint that maybe it's time for lunch.

After lunch we have a lovely stroll at the pier and go to a Farmers Market! My parents were loving it! They were loving it so much that they bought way too much produce for people who were leaving back to Texas in 48 hours. I'm talking grapes, plums, tomatoes, cucumbers, a melon, figs....and almost some mint, except the vendor didn't give my dad a big enough free sample and my dad said he wasn't generous and refused to buy from him. Again, mom and I walk away quickly. We drive back to LA and I make dinner for us while they sit on my balcony and drink wine. I can't explain how nice it was for me to just watch them relax. Another great day.

Wednesday we go to The Getty! I'd never been myself so it was really fun for me too! Of course the nature freaks obsessed over the architectural gardens and my mom wanted photos of every flower. Except my dad forgot to charge the camera so my mom had to use her new touch screen phone. Which I probably laughed at for a solid 5 minutes because she's still keeps the plastic cover on her screen because it labels all her buttons. So we take photos then go inside to see the art, at which point my father is over it. He loudly (I don't think he realizes how loud he is in public) says, "If you paid me a million bucks I wouldn't work here. It's SO BORING," right as we pass a couple of employees. So, on cue, I walk swiftly away once again. I find my mother in front of the Virgin Mary in the Saints Exhibit and my dad asks if she wants a photo, "with her best friend." After the words, "bored" and "boring" come out of my dad's mouth five more times, I suggest we leave. We go back outside and he makes me take photos of a cactus that he finds super fascinating.

Me and Ma at the Getty.

My dad kept doing this weird peace sign thing...

Cactus.

We leave the Getty and have a really nice picnic lunch in Beverly Hills, then drive through the city, up to the Hollywood sign, and go to Village Pizza for dinner. Then for dessert, PINKBERRY! Which they absolutely loved. I mean, who doesn't love Pinkberry though?

On Thursday was my birthday, we went to have breakfast at Hugo's, where my mom and I split almond pancakes! YUM. And they put a little candle in my pancakes! Then the waitress brought out a vegan passion fruit ice cream with another candle. Ice Cream at 9 in the morning? YES PLEASE. It was fun to hear my parents talk about me being born, how my mother was in labor for quite a while, how I was born with way too much hair for a newborn (that actually makes a lot of sense to me now) and how she craved a bunch of sweets while being pregnant with me (also makes a lot of sense. See: ice cream at 9am)

ICE CREAM!!!!! Also, check out my cat hat!!

Then I took them to Hollywood because as grimy as it is to us who live here, tourists love that shit. My mom squealed at every actor in costume on Hollywood Blvd, "Mickey Mouse, Sarita! Minnie Mouse! Look, Marilyn Monroe! Un robot!" While my dad asked if the woman dressed as a Playboy Bunny was a prostitute. My dad put his feet in Robert De Niro's feet and said, "We have the same size shoes, maybe I could be an actor too." Uh huh. Then they bought some souvenirs and it was time for me to take them to the airport. A wonderful trip.

I've cried a lot this weekend, and sat outside on my balcony just like they did. I got used to them being here, and it was hard to see them leave, mainly because I don't know the next time they'll be able to come visit again. I, like a lot of people, left the house at age 18 and only come back home for holidays, thus I haven't spent much time with them as an adult. Last week, they felt more like friends. And just being who they are, they teach me so much about love and life.  They've been married for 27 years and I found them giggling multiple times at their inside jokes, just like pals.

I mean, how cute are they?

This photo is everything.

They flip every negative into a positive, they see beauty in everything. They're grateful for every experience. They know what matters in life - health, happiness, and quality time spent with loved ones. They could have sat on my balcony all week and been content. No demands, no complaints, just over the moon to be spending time with their oldest child.

And for that, I am grateful to have them.

love.

The "MODERN" Experience

So I've been crazy busy and MIA for a few weeks! To my 14 devoted readers, I am sorry.

And I am back!

I've had a lot of people ask me about the Modern Family experience and thought, well why don't I just share it via blog? (Mainly because I haven't been able to think of a good topic recently, it was this or how to make cake pops. But that post will happen soon enough.)

So, here I share, without giving too much away, the Modern Family experience.

Random Tuesday, two weeks ago, I'm driving to say goodbye to a dear friend who just booked a show and is moving to Chicago. I "don't make a complete stop" at a stop sign and of course, there's a cop lurking. And I get pulled over and get a ticket. So after cursing the skies, I proceed with my day as planned. Around 7pm that night, I'm on my way to class when I get an email for an audition for Modern Family. Ah! How my day has quickly turned around! I take my audition scene to class to work on it and then continue to prepare the next day as well.

The audition was Thursday morning at 11am at Fox studios and I was supposed to be on set of my short film at 12:30 (See: Work Begets Work) I get to the office and sit among the other actresses. They call me in to a BLINDING room! It was seriously so bright in there! There was a camera set up and a table with three people sitting behind it: The Emmy winning casting director of Modern Family, the director of this episode (5x Emmy nominee and director of 30 Rock) and the writer of this episode (former associate editor of the Onion and writer on Community). Pretty powerful people in that room!!!

Cue: Sara's sweaty palms

Jeff, the casting director, who is a lovely lovely human being (I adore him) introduced me to Beth and Megan and asked if I was ready. They turned the camera on and we did the scene. The whole thing MAYBE took 1 minute. It was over before it began. I honestly can't even tell you what I did because it was a blur. Beth, the director, said "That was great!" and they thanked me and that was it. I left, and the next girl came in.

I walked out and immediately decided I didn't get it. I thought I hadn't done anything particularly funny or that I was too young or too (insert any excuse here). But, I went on with my day because I had to be on set of the short film soon. Halfway through shooting, I got an email that I was one of the choices for the role!! EEP! Down to me and one other!! They just had to wait to hear the decision of the network (ABC) who had to watch our audition tapes.

So, that night, and the following day, I did everything in my power to stop thinking about it and I was preparing my "Oh I didn't get it" reaction,  when I got the call from my manager that I GOT IT!!!

So, I screamed and cried and immediately called my mother who had been waiting to hear as well. And then I listened to her cry and thank the Virgin Mary in Spanish for about 10 minutes.

From there, the wardrobe department called me and I went to a fitting appointment Monday to see what I was going to wear. And I was called at 6am on Tuesday to shoot.

I get to set at 6am. Of course I barely slept the night before. But I was wired anyway and got there a half hour early. I went into hair and makeup and an assistant brought me coffee and a yummy breakfast. The hair and makeup artists on this show are SO COOL!! They were a blast to hang out with. When I was all done I went to my trailer to change into my wardrobe and hang out until it was ready to shoot my scene. I know guys, I just said "my trailer." Hehehehehehhhehehe. So I went over my lines and had a mild panic attack that I'd forget all my lines and be a laughing stock and never get to work in this town again. Little overdramatic. Then, told myself to shut up and have fun.

Got to set and kind of took it all in. The cameras were all set up, the director and writer (who I auditioned in front of) came up to me and said how happy they were to work with me. To work with me?!!? OH MAN. I was so grateful to be working with such funny and powerful women!! I mean, hello! I was about to be directed by the same woman who directed Tina Fey countless times!! Pinch me! (Don't. I bruise easily.)

Then, Sofia came. Oh, did I mention that my scene is with none other than Sofia Vergara?! Yep. And let me break it to you, she's as gorgeous in person as she is on TV. She is a Glamazonian Goddess. And they brought little Aubrey, who plays Lily. Who is a fierce little ball of sass who nails her lines like a pro. We rehearsed a few times, then started shooting. And it was the best first experience I could have ever asked for.

So that's how I booked my first role on network television. On a show I absolutely have been obsessed with since I started watching season one back when I was still living in Austin.

The strange thing is, and I swear this is true, about a year ago I had a dream I was in a room with Sarah Hyland, who plays Haley on the show, and she said, "So, this is your first thing, huh? Cool." So I'm guessing I'm part-psychic. Probably not. But my dream did come true. 

Here are a couple of photos though that me extra happy and grateful.

Here's me before the audition when I was in the casting room.

This is my vision board I keep above my desk. On the bottom are all the funny women who inspire me and who I want to work with. Notice Sofia on the bottom left!

Here's my goal list for the 2nd half of this year. Book a role on on a comedy TV show. Modern Family is on the bottom right. CHECK THAT BABY OFF THE LIST!

Thanks to everyone who has been so encouraging and enthusiastic, I was really overwhelmed by all the love and support. I will keep you posted when the episode airs so you can watch!! I'm going to look like a solid 3.8 compared to Sofia who is definitely a 10, and I'll end up spending half my paycheck on that damn stop sign ticket, but I could care less. When I see my name in the end credits, I'm going to happy dance the night away!

Work Begets Work

I would like to share an experience about a recent audition because it reminds me why I chose to pursue this for a living. 

I saw a casting notice about a month ago for a short film. The role was for a "Janeane Garafalo-type, super dry with no personality wardrobe designer." I submitted myself for the role because I thought it sounded like it would be a fun character to play. I ended up getting an audition, prepared the scene, and wrote the date and time in my planner.

CUT TO: DAY OF AUDITION

Here's a list of all other things written on my planner for that day -

-5:30 am : Take Alex to airport.
-Workout
-11 am commercial audition in Santa Monica
-Get groceries
-Return mall purchase
-Post office
-4:30 pm short film audition 
-6pm-12am work

Let me tell you, by 2pm I was exhausted. And the sound of a nap before work was way more appealing than having to get ready and drive over in traffic to this short film audition. I started thinking, "You've had a long day already." "There will be more auditions." "You should sleep before you have to work til midnight." "Who cares, this short film doesn't even pay."

And THAT, that is what is stopped me and prompted me to immediately get up and go to this audition. That thought. 

Is that why I do this? For the money? Absolutely not. If I made the same money acting that, let's say a teacher makes, I know I would still 100% do it. It's not about the money for me.

Auditions are hard enough to come by as it is, so every audition is nothing short of a blessing. Seriously. Did you know that for any particular role on TV, the casting office will get close to 3,000 submissions? And do you know how many people they call in for each role? 10-20. 20 is a stretch.

From 3000 to about 15. So you best be going to all your auditions AND appreciating the opportunity!!

CUT TO: AUDITION

So I made myself go to the audition, but of course they are running behind and I waited there for about an hour. I knew I absolutely had to leave by 5:30 to be at work by 6, and I told myself, "Well if you don't get seen by 5:35 you need to just leave." LUCKILY, one of my friends was there as well going in for a different role and she told casting I had to leave early if they'd please see me next. I got in the room at 5:33 and ran out the door 5:35 and made it to work on time.

CUT TO: THE NEXT DAY

I got a callback! So of course, I had go to that right? But the same thing happened, I had to be at work at 6 and they were running behind. So I went in, did my thing, and then quickly said thank you and proceeded to run out the door when the director stopped me and said, "What's your availability the week of August 12th?" At this point, it was like July 15th and I had no idea what my schedule would be like a month in advance, so I blurted out, "I don't know! Ask me August 11th!"and ran out the door.

CUT TO: THE WEEKEND

I got an email from the director saying they loved my interpretation of the character and they would like to offer me the role. COOL!

CUT TO: LAST/THIS WEEK

Making myself go to that audition was the best decision I could have made. Last week I got to go the table read at Sony Studios, a lot I had never been to before!! (A table read is when the entire cast sits, around a table and reads the script aloud) And yesterday, I was on set shooting! I went into hair and makeup, shot my scenes, and the footage looks amazing! The writer has plans to have it completed by November to submit to film festivals. Overall, I made some great network connections and am thankful for the experience.

And it's so true that work begets work, since booking the short film, I've been writing a lot more and am developing two series, one with friends, and one with Alex. And the day before I was set to shoot, I got the call that I had a producer's session for MODERN FAMILY, the DAY of the shoot. So yesterday my day consisted of waking up, driving to the Fox studio lot and auditioning for one of my absolute favorite shows, and then driving to set and shooting the short.

Getting to act all day - incredible! Did I get paid for anything I did yesterday? No, I did not. At least, not monetarily. But the experiences sure are priceless. So, say yes to the opportunities that come your way, you never know what they could blossom into. 

Here's a photo of the table read at Sony!

And here's a photo from yesterday's shoot! That's me on camera! 

To the LEFT, to the LEFT

No, this isn't a tribute post to Beyonce. That post will come in due time.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL LEFT-HANDERS DAY!!!!

Besides using scissors and spiral notebooks, being left-handed is the bee's knees. My mom and grandma are both lefties. My best friend is a lefty. And both Alex's parents are lefties too! 

Today, I celebrate my handedness-heritage with sharing cool facts about lefties!

1. Between 10-12% of people on earth are “lefties.” Men are more likely to be left-handed than women.

2. Studies have suggested that left-handers are more talented in spatial awareness, math, and architecture.

3. Connections between the right and left sides of the brain are faster in left-handed people. This means information is transferred faster, making left-handers more efficient in dealing with multiple stimuli and using both sides of the brain more easily.

4. There are two divergent theories regarding wearing the wedding ring on the left hand. One theory is that it started with the ancient Egyptians, who believed that despite the left hand’s supposed flaws, placing the ring on this hand brought it nearer to the heart. Another theory attributes the origin to the Greeks and Romans, who wore the rings to ward off evil associated with the left hand.

5. Left-handers are more likely to pursue creative careers.

6. They are usually on polar ends of the intelligence spectrum, either likely to be geniuses (20% of MENSA is left-handed) or likely to have autism, stuttering problems, and dyslexia. 

7. They are more prone to allergies, migraines, insomnia, and alcoholism.

8. They're more affected by fear. In a recent experiement, lefties who watched an eight-minute clip from the film Silence of the Lambs exhibited more symptoms of PTSD than righties. That may be because the right side of the brain, which is dominant in lefties, is more involved in emotions like anger and fear. 

9. Lefties adjust more readily to seeing underwater.

10. Lefties excel particularly in tennis, baseball, swimming, and fencing. 

11. Left-handers usually reach puberty 4 to 5 months after right-handers. 

12. 4 of the 5 original designers of the Macintosh computer were left-handed. 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts were left-handed. And 4 of the last 7 Presidents are left-handed. 

13. About 40% of left-handers are homosexual. 

Famous Left-Handers: 

Tom Cruise	Leonardo da Vinci	Albert Einstein
Benjamin Franklin	Whoopi Goldberg	Cary Grant
Paul McCartney	Michelangelo	Jay Leno
Julia Roberts	Oprah Winfrey	Babe Ruth
Fidel Castro	Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin	Marilyn Monroe
Henry Ford	Helen Keller	Mark Twain
Bart Simpson	Dan Ackroyd	Tim Allen
Charlie Chaplin	Robert DeNiro	Jimi Hendrix
Jerry Seinfeld	Lewis Carroll	Paul Simon
H.G. Wells	Celine Dion	Larry Bird
Mozart	Beethoven	Aristotle
Barack Obama	Angelina Jolie	Brad Pitt
Alexander the Great	Julius Caesar	Marie Curie
Thomas Jefferson	Colin Powell	Gandhi
Charlemagne	Horatio Nelson	Ramses II
Billy the Kid (debated)	John Dillinger	Bob Dylan
David Letterman	Schumann	O.J. Simpson
Bill Gates	Fred Astaire	Judy Garland
Dick Van Dyke	Hans Christian Anderson	Sylvester Stallone
Sara Amini	Sara Amini	Sara Amini

Here's me in Orlando a few years ago at a Left-Handers store at Disneyworld.

If you know any or are a lefty yourself, I'm sending a virtual left-handed high-five today!!

Letting Go

I am reading a book right now talks about how your ego can actually get in your way and lead you further from the things you want.

The author gives a list of ideas you need to learn to let go of FIRST before you can set clear intentions for yourself and start moving towards making them a reality.

I'm going to share the 3 ideas that resonated the most with me:

1. Let go of your need to win: "Ego loves to divide us up into winners and losers. The pursuit of winning is one that will backfire. Because ultimately, winning is impossible all of the time. Someone out there will be faster, luckier, younger, stronger, and smarter - and back you'll go to feeling worthless and insignificant."

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that losing is NOT the opposite of winning because I, by nature, am fiercely competitive. It's hard to swallow that just because I don't get something I want, doesn't mean someone else "won" and I "lost." That perceptive makes me frustrated and discouraged. I had a mentor say it best, "You're Coke. And sometimes people want Coke, and that's great. But sometimes people want Pepsi. It's as simple as that. Today, they aren't buying what you're selling. But that doesn't mean they won't buy it tomorrow."All we can be accountable is performing our personal best in the given circumstances, and if you feel you aren't at your best one day, hey, tomorrow is a new day, with new circumstances to consider.

2. Let go of your need to have more: "The ego is never satisfied. No matter how much you achieve or acquire, it will insist that it isn't enough. You'll find yourself in a perpetual state of striving, and eliminate the possibility of arriving. Yet, you've already arrived, and how you choose to use this present moment in your life is your choice. Ironically, when you stop needing more, more of what you desire seems to arrive in your life."

Appreciate all that shows up. Create. And then let it go. I 100% agree with the notion of needing it less brings more of it into your life. The whole needing is less is the hard thing to work on though! We all want want want! I don't know how many times I've focused on what I needed versus what I already have. "I'm 25 and I still haven't ___" "Time is ticking, I NEED to ____" "By the time I'm 30, I WANT to ___" Putting all these deadlines on achievements is so incredibly stressful and puts you in a constant state of anxiety. It needs to happen now! No, it needs to happen when it's supposed to happen.

3. Let go of identifying yourself on the basis of your achievements: "Be grateful for the abilities you've been given, the motivation to achieve, and the stuff you've accumulated. But do not allow yourself to be defined by your achievements."

Well, this is certainly the hardest one for me! "You are not defined by your achievements" is something that needs to be taped to my mirror and repeated multiple times each morning! I was a straight-A student all my life (I did get one B in college History but in my defense it was an 8am class so I just slept. A B is still pretty good for sleeping through class the entire semester). I put in the work, I got an immediate result. That's how I functioned for years. You study, you get an A. Action-Outcome. Action-Outcome. Every single time I wanted something tangible, I went out for it and got it. THEN, I PURSUED ACTING. You put in the work, you put in the work, you put in the work. You wait, you wait, you wait. Hmm. My brain is confused. Where's my immediate result?! "I practiced this audition all night, why didn't I book it?" -might as well be taped to my mirror because I find myself saying that a lot. That's not how this business works. That's not how life works! It will never happen when you want it to happen. And that has been my constant struggle since I moved here 3 years ago, living by the mentality that I'm planting seeds, and seeds take time and to grow. There's a reason why people say patience is a virtue. And if immediate results is what I need, I should become a professional college student. I've got about 8 more years of my youthful looks before classmates start to question my real age.

It's not black and white. It's not win or lose. Pass or fail. Have and have nots. 

I leave you today with my favorite quote: "Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not, but remember what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."-Epicurus.

Have a great weekend.

Dinner for One

We've all sat at a coffee shop by ourselves. Grabbed a quick bite, maybe. Froyo, definitely.

But how many of us have gotten dressed up and made a dinner reservation, party of one?

How about buying just one ticket to a movie?

It wasn't until recently that I discovered the comfort of spending time with myself. It must be something that comes with age. When you're younger you just "wanna do hoodrat things with your friends." GO TO A RESTAURANT OR MOVIE ALONE?! AS IF! 

"Who's gonna share my popcorn with me? I can't finish a whole tub by myself and I can't take it home for later because reheated popcorn is gross. What if I have to pee? No one will be able to tell me what I missed when I get back. This isn't a very good idea." - actual neurotic thoughts I've thought when contemplating seeing a movie by myself for the first time.

I used to feel so sad for people who I'd see eating out alone. I'd think, "Don't they have friends? Why didn't they just get take out?" It never occurred to me that they could be eating alone by choice!

I think there's something really liberating about going out by yourself. It's sort of a declaration of, "Hey, I'm at ease with myself and I enjoy my own company, so why not?"

Yes, it's quiet - but in this day and age with our technology addictions and ADD brains, I can tell you from experience that it's refreshing to sit, comfortably, in the silence and just disconnect for a bit.

I took myself to PF Changs the other night. Nothing super fancy, I don't have fancy money. But I did have a 10 dollar off coupon! HEEEEEY! So I got dressed up (I mean dressed up for PF Changs standards) and called and made a reservation for one. I got there, and being a Sunday night, it was busy with parties of 4 and parties of 6 also waiting to be seated. I immediately panicked and hoped that I'd get a corner booth away from everyone else. But, of course, I got a center table in the middle of the dining room. And I took it.

And I did something I could never do when eating out with others, and that's observe the environment. I realized I'd never noticed the paintings on the walls, or the architecture of the ceiling. I watched other families and friends interact. There was a toddler who kept dropping his food and he'd look at me each time he did it, like he kept getting caught. There was a group of old friends who were arguing over who was going to pay. A group of young friends who ordered way too much food. A couple sitting next to each other in the booth (which I always think is adorable), enjoying their martinis and kissing every couple of minutes.

And then there was me. Just sitting, enjoying my iced tea and vegetable fried quinoa - no Facebook, no Instagram, no texts, no conversation, no hurry, nada. It was thoroughly delightful.

It's not something I could have done had I had company. I would have been half-talking, half-listening, Yelping what entree was best reviewed, then posting photos of my food on Instagram and checking every two seconds to see who approved of my dinner choice. #Yum #Food #Nomnom

I've also gotten into seeing movies alone, because, really, you don't need someone there next to you because you can't talk to them anyway. (Unless you're watching a horror movie, if you're watching it alone I probably will think you're a serial killer. Anyway, the last scary movie I saw was The Ring so luckily we won't meet, creepy movie theatre killer.)

My boyfriend and I have those times where our movie choices don't coincide. So when I want to see some obscure indie film, I go by myself. It's GREAT! It's become a little sanctuary for me. It's dark, you can't be on your phone and you can't talk to anyone. It forces you to just be in the present moment and that's what makes it worthwhile for me. Also, I've solved the popcorn sharing problem - I bring my own snacks in my purse. And if I miss a little of the movie because I have to pee, well, I think I'll be fine.

So, next time you're going to dinner and a movie, why not make it a solo date? 

I did whip out my phone to take this photo. I told myself, "Eat half and save the other half for tomorrow's lunch."

I mean, I did eat half. Two halves.

Friends and CO.

"Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company."

I can't think of a quote that rings more true than this one by Booker T. Washington. 

Look around you. Do you thoroughly enjoy the company you keep? Are you positively stimulated by them? Do you respect them? Do they lift you up, support and encourage your endeavors? And are they around to catch you when you fall? 

The nature of the business I work in involves encounters with many a negative and jaded person. I get it, life is fucking hard, there are horrible days that can sometimes overshadow good days. You wake up late, there's too much traffic, you spilled coffee on yourself, an audition went badly, you get a parking ticket, you don't want to be at work, you have cramps. All of the aforementioned are things I've thrown a fit over. 

But I'm not talking about bitching about a bad day, I'm talking about carrying negative energy around you 24-7. Everyone has at least one person they can think of that is this glass-is-always-half-empty complainer, that friend or classmate or colleague whose life is just "THAT BAD." 

Well, I don't know them personally, but I'm going to make an assumption their life probably isn't THAT bad. In fact, at the very last do they have their health? Yes? Great, they can shut the fuck up. 

When having an awful day, I force myself to list things I am happy and grateful for. It certainly doesn't make the bad stuff un-happen, but it reminds me that there is always good in my life.

Negative people, jealous people, cynics, mean and disrespectful people -- they all feed off others. Others who listen to them, who give their complaints the time of day. People who tolerate them and deal with them because, "that's just how they are."

When I'm around someone who only has bad things to talk about, I wonder, aren't they tired? I mean, isn't it draining to constantly whine and woe? Because I feel drained just listening to it. And then I leave our interaction a little less enthused, a little more melancholy, and their pessimism creeps into the rest of my day. Their black cloud somehow shifts and begins to hover over me as well. 

"I just had a great audition!"

"That's nice, I had one last week that went awful."

"Oh I'm sorry. I'm sure it was not as bad as you think. You'll get something!"

"Doubtful. And my mom's been giving me shit lately."

"I'm sorry. I'm having friends over for dinner this weekend, want to come?"

"I have to work. UGHHH I hate my job it's the worst I have the worst life my life sucks."

"....I'm sorry."

A lot of apologizing on my end. For what? What did I do? I mean, we all sympathize with each other but at a certain point it's like, COME ON, MAN. Leave the Debbie Downer routine for Rachel Dratch - you're not as funny.

You are the company you keep. So surround yourself with people who inspire you and are inspired by you. People who cheer for you from the sidelines. People who energize you and are there to recharge your batteries when you feel drained. People who face obstacles with grace and courage. Those who smile among frowns. Those who love amidst hate. Those who have compliments to give out rather than snarky remarks. 

Think about all those you interact with on a regular basis, are you getting what you need out of their friendship? Does your bond serve a purpose? What you put out into the universe is what you'll attract in return. Same goes for what you put into others! Make sure it all benefits you! And that isn't coming from a selfish mentality, rather a self-important one. "I value myself, and will surround myself with those who value me and whom I value in return."

It only takes one bad apple to ruin the bunch. 

You don't have to be that bad apple.

And you don't have to be that bad apple's friend. 

Friends who do this with you are keepers. 

My One Regret.

"Do you have any regrets?" is one serious topic of discussion. 

I like to think that I don't have any, because I feel like life plays out the way it's supposed to. And if I were to go back and change something, maybe I wouldn't be exactly where I am right now, attempting to eat cereal in bed in the dark. If I were to decide on something, I do wish I had studied abroad in college. I was going to study in Barcelona for a semester then opted to graduate early instead, which in turn led to subsequent events that brought me to LA.

So, no regrets. 

Well, okay. I do have one. Otherwise this would be a very short and anticlimactic post.

I've never done AA but isn't there a step where you apologize to people you've wronged in the past? Well, I've tried to think of people I would apologize to if I ever got the chance, and I could only think of one person. So, either I'm super saintly kind like Mother Theresa or I'm delusional and feel I'm right in 99% of situations and probably find a way to turn it around on the other person.

"I don't hate you because you're fat. You're fat because I hate you."

(BTW, the list of people I feel should apologize to me was way longer than one)

So, because I could only think of one person, I will apologize publicly and clear my conscience of any wrong doings. 

My public apology to Justin B:

It was a rainy day in the 1st grade. Because it was rainy, we did not have recess that day. Instead, they locked up all the 1st and 2nd graders in a windowless, airless room in the library and popped in a VHS copy of How To Eat Fried Worms. It was chili cheese hot dog day at lunch. Now, as a 25 year old with a very sensitive stomach, I wish I could go back in time and tell 7 year old me, "No! Don't eat that, kid! Always opt for the fruit cup!" 

All the cool 2nd graders didn't pay attention to the movie and just sat against the back wall and talked with their friends. I was not a 2nd grader and neither was I cool.

In fact, this is what I looked like in the first grade:

So, I sat in the very front of the room, about 2 feet away from the television. In retrospect, I probably assumed we'd have a post pop quiz that I wanted to make sure I'd ace. But with glasses that big, why would I need to sit that close in the first place?!

The only other person who decided to sit in front of the TV was Justin B. Poor Justin B.

As I mentioned, twas chili cheese hot dog day. And there was just something about that combination that wasn't sitting well with my tummy. I tried my hardest to keep my shit together (pun definitely intended) but alas, I let out a fart so loud you wouldn't believe it came out of my pint-size frame.

Time froze. I thought, "Maybe no one heard." Well, if they didn't hear it, the most certainly smelled it. The smell was so bad. SO BAD, that (and I swear this is true) the teachers turned off the movie and said we had to evacuate the room. 

So, in my social-suicide panic, I yelled out, "EW! JUSTIN!!!!" And because I am a natural-born leader, everyone yelled out, "EW! JUSTIN!!!!!" and laughed at the poor bastard. 

For days, months, that entire year, Justin could not live it down. He was the butt of every joke. Kids would hold their noses or make fart noises by putting their mouth in their elbow pit every time he walked into the classroom. As years passed, someone would randomly laugh and say, "Oh my God, remember when Justin farted and it smelled like death and we almost died?" and I'd laugh and say, "Totally!"

But it was me who caused near death by gas! Only Justin and I knew the truth. And he never sold me out. 

I never saw him again after Elementary school. I can only imagine he moved away to start fresh and leave his troubled past behind him. I recently tried searching for him on Facebook but couldn't find him. He probably has me blocked for life. Or, I can't find him because I don't remember the rest of his last name.

So, Justin B., I am sorry I blamed my first-grade fart on you. That was not right. I should have owned up to it right then and there. You did not deserve the ridicule or taunting from mean kids. I want you to know I did feel guilty, but didn't find it logical to let everyone know the truth after it'd happened. And I desperately wanted to be liked by the cool kids. 

It was an unfair occurrence that you happened to be the only kid sitting right next to me. Did you also think there'd be a pop quiz? Was How to Eat Fried Worms your favorite movie? That's besides the point. 

I hope your life turned out okay. And I'm really sorry.

Regretfully,

Sara Amini

I feel much better. 

 

And the award goes to...ME!

I got nominated for a Liebster Award!!

I'm almost 100% sure it's like a Nobel Peace Prize for the blog world.

I actually have no idea what this means, but it's still cool. "Thanks to Nikki at Bourgie Chronicles who is an avid reader and supporter of my blog and nominated me!" - my thank you speech. 

So I guess when you're nominated you're supposed to list 10 facts about yourself and answer 10 questions, so here goes:

FACTS:

1. I'm left handed. So are my mama and grandma.

2. I've never owned a pet. But for the longest time in Elementary School I made up a cat named Moonlight then when friends would come over I'd say she ran away. Every time.

3. I won 26K on a game show. See: Who Wants To Be America's Next Top Slumdog Millionaire. 

4. I impulsively bought Lasik surgery on Groupon. Thankfully, it worked out and I can see.

5. I graduated Summa Cum Laude with two degrees. Like a boss bitch.

6. I have a very strong fear of roaches. It's phobia status. I hyperventilate and stuff.

7. I broke my foot in high school tripping over my untied shoelace. Weak bones, apparently.

8. I applied to The Disney Store 8 times before they hired me. PERSEVERANCE!! 

9. I'm both the oldest and shortest of three siblings. I'm almost 5'3, my brother is 6 ft.

10. I have a food intolerance to bananas. Which makes ordering smoothies difficult and sad.

Questions for Nominees:

1. Whats your least favorite season and why? 

This is hard for me to answer...I like Spring because of flowers. I like Summer because it makes me think of frozen yogurt. I like fall because of the leaves changing on trees and my birthday. I like winter because of the holidays. So, I guess I'll go with summer as my least favorite because I eat frozen yogurt year-round.

2. Are you superstitious?

Yes and no. I don't kill spiders because my mom says in Colombia, they're good luck. I pick up pennies but that's more because I'm broke. The whole black cats, ladders, Friday the 13th thing doesn't phase me. I kind of get into Mercury retrograde. My mom makes me eat 12 grapes on New Years, and she says bird poop on you is a sign of money to come.....sometimes I don't know what that lady is talking about.

3. What was your favorite cartoon growing up?

TWO  STUPID DOGS! Also, Arthur. And does Supermarket Sweep count? That show was my 10 year old jam.

4. How would you describe your personal style?

I don't know what my style is. I like to wear dresses and cloche (bell) hats. So it's definitely 20s inspired. I'm almost always wearing a hat.  I own like 15 hats. I'm not particularly trendy or flashy...I like sweaters? Clearly I'm super sexy.

5. If you could take a vacation right now anywhere in the world where would you go?

PARIS! Duh. Bonjour mon ami! I want to eat croissants and ride a bike with a little dog and baguette in my basket! Also, with my plethora of hats, I'd fit right in with the locals. 

6. What has been your greatest achievement in life so far?

Moving to LA and pursuing my dream is an achievement in itself. Awwwwww. Also, I make pretty good cake pops.

7. What are your favorite smells?

This is going to sound weird unless you've been to my house. But the smell of fresh dill, it reminds me of my parents' house. Also, the smell of jasmine. Not my sister, the flower. 

8. Do you prefer to text or to call?

TEXT! Yuck I hate talking on the phone, it's very hard for me to multitask when I have a phone stuck on my ear.

9. What is your favorite thing that you own?

I have a letter that my mother wrote me the day I was born. She gave it to me when I turned 18. It's amazing and makes me cry every time I read it. I keep it next to my bed.

10. If you could have any super power, what would it be?

The ability to eat whatever the fuck I want and not gain weight. 

Something Smells Funky

The last 18 hours or so I've been in a funk. I've even sat at the computer the last hour just staring at this screen, not knowing what to say.

It's weird how some things - minute, insignificant, trivial, BULLSHIT things, can have such an effect on you.

I got a parking ticket yesterday. I parked on a street I always park on, and that street has always been free. So sometime between last week and yesterday, I guess a "No Parking After 6pm" sign was put up. Obviously I didn't check for the sign when I parked because, like I said, I always park there.

But, of course, I'm walking back to my car after class, get to my car around 6:10. There's a ticket for 68 dollars sitting there. The parking patrol guy had just finished giving me a ticket because he was currently working on the car behind me.

I wanted to curse him out, yell at him, get all crazy latin up in his face, but...I couldn't. I mean, he's got a fucking shit job, but it's his job right? Those guys have no sympathy. Why waste my time, it wasn't going to make him un-ticket me. I just told myself, "Well, it's already done with so let it go."

But for some reason, I could not let it go. I drove to a workshop and let the tension and frustration sit in me, affecting my mood during the class and affecting my performance. Of course, that put me in an even worse mood when I got home.

In the grand scheme of things, a parking ticket is not something you'll remember a year, or even a month from now. It's a hiccup. A nuisance. But after getting my keys stolen last weekend ("Worst Day Ever") this was just icing on a very disgusting cake. Like....cottage cheese icing on a crab cake. (These are both things I hate if you didn't understand where that combination was coming from.)

When it rains, it pours, right? I guess I'm the old man snoring in this scenario.

The ticket is already paid for, today is a new day, yet I'm still feeling down. I know I have the choice to let this continue to affect me negatively, and if that's the case, why am I choosing to feel miserable?

Why am I throwing myself a pity party? It's an awfully boring and tragic party of one. No balloons or face painting, just this stupid cottage cheese crab cake. WHO BROUGHT THAT?! Oh, me.

Today's post serves a more selfish purpose, I needed to have a little wrant (A written rant). To rub the funk off. To get all this feeling-like-crap-feeling out of the way so I can have the rest of my day to do more productive and positive things. And thanks to this article I read this morning, 10 Little Things That Steal Your Happiness, I remember this quote: "You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude towards what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you."

I can very easily get back into bed and mope for the rest of the day. OR I can do things that I know put me in a better mood:

Sara's Instamood List:
I can go hiking.
I can ride my bike.
I can bake.
I can buy flowers.
I can watch TV. I need to finish Orange Is The New Black anyway cuz that show is the shiiiiz.
I can read. I'm in the middle of two great books right now.
I can color in my coloring book. Yes, I have one. But it's an adult Andy Warhol one so suck it!

So, my mission for the rest of day is to do at least half of these things. Because a parking ticket is a nothing more than a parking ticket. The universe isn't conspiring against me.

I totally understand that some days aren't your best and we all can't be at 100% 24-7. If we were, we wouldn't be human. We'd be weird robot-alien-creatures. So give yourself the time to be down and dwell if that's what you need. Take the rest of the day off, two days if you really need. But come day three, make a list of things that you know put you in a great mood, AND GO DO THEM.

Because if you allow yourself to sit in negativity for too long, it becomes masturbatory and you're just perpetuating a woe-is-me mentality that serves no good. And ain't nobody got time for that!

So, I'm off to go take a "happy shower" and clean off this funk. Because I stink!